Sunday, January 30, 2011

John 16:33

"In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart, for I have overcome the World!"

On Thursday I woke up thinking that it was going to be one of the best days of my life! I was having my final anatomy scan and thought I'd finally be able to tell the world I was having a GIRL! I had already been told on Jan 5th and 12th that I was having a girl. I was so excited, that I really thought it was too good to be true. I actually had trouble believing it, which is why I wanted to wait until Thursday to be able to tell everyone. (Although I did have trouble keeping it a secret, because I was so excited!)
Josh and my mom met me at Dr. Browne's office to be there for the exciting time. When I layed down the sonographer started scanning my ovaries. From previous experience, I had to be the one to ask the question, "Is there a heartbeat?". She immediately scanned over where the heart was and told me "No!"
No? No Heartbeat?!?! Words can't even begin to explain how I felt at that moment. How could one of the best days of my life, turn into one of the worst?
How could I go from being so happy to heartbroken in a matter of seconds?
Most of all, I wondered how the Lord could LET this happen! I have done nothing but thank the Lord every. single. day. for this precious blessing!
My sadness turned to anger. I was too vested in this. I had already picked out a name, I had already bought clothes. Dr. Browne had told me that everything had been looking so great. How that less then 1% had miscarriages after the first trimester......
How could this happen? I'm still asking myself these questions, still wondering what the doctor missed, still wondering why the Lord let this happen.......
But I DO know that the Lord DOES love me. And I DO know he wouldn't give me more then I can handle. And I DO know that I CAN handle this.....although I wish I didn't have to.
I am feeling better everyday. I am still emotional but nothing that I can't get through.....
I have a wonderful husband and two precious boys and they help put a smile on my face everyday.
A smart person wrote me, and told me that grief, brokenness, hope and joy can all occupy the same heart, and I agree!
The words from Kutless' "That's what Faith Can Do" keeps playing thru my mind and I know there is a reason.
I haven't spoken to many people since Thursday, and that's just my way of dealing with things. It really does amaze me at all the wonderful friends who have reached out to me during this time. The emails, calls, texts, cards, flowers, dinners......I am overwhelmed at how loved I feel. Even if I don't respond, know I am very thankful for each of you. I am truly blessed with wonderful friends.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Our Christmas!

We had a great December but it was pretty busy. Price was in 3, yes 3!, Christmas Programs. Once for preschool, one for church choir and then he was in our Church's annual Christmas Pageant which ran 5 times from Thurs - Sunday. It was a commitment but in the end we all had a great time. It was worth the time and effort and hopefully brought a few people to know the true meaning of Christmas. We appreciate all our friends and family who came to see Price! It meant a lot to him. Everyday he'd ask me who was coming to see him! I guess he likes the attention! :)
I have no pictures of Price in his choir performance b/c mom of the year forgot her camera. He was a donkey and they did their performance to "The Crippled Lamb". It was so sweet.
I didn't get pictures of his pagent performance b/c I helped and was up on stage with him, however, Josh did get it on video, so I'm thankful for that.

I did get pictures of him being in the "Heavenly Choir" for his Preschool performance. (Finally, I come prepared!)

Afterwards, at the cookie reception w/ 2 of his best buds.

P&O with the big man, himself!

O didn't want to get out of Santa's lap!

And we also got together with some friends and made Santa cookies.

I think this crew ate more cookies then they made!

The finished product

Santa Came!
This year Price asked Santa for just under a million things for Christmas. Luckily, he seemed very pleased with what Santa could fit in his sleigh.
Owen was pretty easy because aside from the pink leapster and Dora playset, he just wanted "presents"! (And in case your wondering, he did not get anything Pink or that involved Dora!) :)

Checkin' out the goods!

O loved his Toy Story Imaginext!

Price loved opening gifts. He loves a surprise!

And even though we didn't have a White Christmas, We DID have a White "Day After" Christmas! Thank Goodness we didn't loose power and Josh got to play with the boys in the snow for the FIRST time EVER!

We had a great Christmas!

I even got good news about my Risk Factor Screening. I have a very low risk of Downs Syndrome, any trisomys and my ultrasound looked great!

Today I am 15 weeks so only 25 more weeks to go. Please keep praying! I am going to see the specialist one more time on the 27th and if all goes well, he will release me back to Dr. Smithson. But so far, so good!
Thank you, Lord!!